A little humor for the moment…

oatmeal-cream-pieI was semi-cleaning off the top of my drawers this morning, when I saw something that caught my attention.  And, as anyone who knows the crazy connections of my mind might guess, my mind drifted to a few days ago when I saw Michael Pollan’s video I linked to the other day.  In the video, Michael made a solid point as he distinguished between “food” and “edible food-like substance.”  

He gives an example of a twinkie in his office, saying, “There’s something conspicuous about real food.  Over time, real food rots.  The other day, I was in my office, and I saw a Twinkie that I used as an example a couple years ago.  And I reached over and gave that Twinkie a squeeze, and it was as soft as the day I bought it!  Now there’s something wrong with that!  If the mold and bacteria that break down real food won’t touch that Twinkie, what does that say to you?”

Good point, Michael.  Good point.

On top of my drawers, I saw a chocolate creme pie that was originally put into a suit jacket by my friend Abigail when she pranked my roomie and I (different story for another time).  It sat in the suit jacket for awhile, then after my wife and I were married, I put it on top of the drawers.  Looked at it today again, and  Michael Pollan started talking in my head, “If the mold and bacteria that break down real food won’t touch that (chocolate creme pie), what does that say to you?”

My response?  “Not touching it. Thanks for the wisdom, Mike. Maybe I’ll keep it around for a couple years and squeeze it every now and again.”


Momentous achievements…

Last week, when my friend John Daubert and his wife came to visit the Myers plantation, we had a good time.  A part of that good time included John and I returning to a classic Daubert/Myers activity; playing Ken Griffey Jr. baseball on N64…but with an exercise twist.  

Long before the advent of the Wii, John and I were inspired by a boxing game we played at Kings Dominion (an amusement park here in Virginia), where you held “boxing gloves” attached to the console with wires and stood in a certain place where the computer could gauge your movements. To make a long story short, the boxing game was so active, I had dead arms for the rest of the day.   It was great fun.  The further you went, the more your body paid.

John and I were fully aware that playing the N64 was not so full of exercise, so we invented exercise to go with Ken Griffey baseball.  The rules:

1)  Every time your adversary scores a run, you do ten pushups.
2) Every time your adversary steals a base, you do twenty curlups.
3) Every time you get caught stealing a base, you do twenty curlups, and
4) Every time you strike out on a pitch you shouldn’t have swung on, you get punched in the nuts.

…ok, #4 doesn’t happen. Especially when John’s pitching with John Smoltz, who’s almost unhittable in the game as his fastball is quicker than the Orioles’ descent to mediocrity each season, thus making me anticipate the fastball, thus leading to John using a curveball that could hit the persons sitting behind the third-base dugout, which I of course swing at because I’m all jumpy and almost weepy from how scary the fastball is.

Well, this time we added another exercise to the game. I had recently gotten an exercise wheel at a local thrift store for a buck-twenty-five, and you could choose to cut your pushups or curlups and do half as many wheel repetitions.

We played three games. First time, Orioles (me)/Braves (John). 5-2 Orioles. Second game, Orioles/Braves again. 6-1 Orioles. Third game, the longest we ever played. Nineteen innings, Pirates (me)/Braves (John). 6-4 Pirates, after a massive clutch-ninth-inning comeback by John.

So, John’s total exercises before deciding to do some wheels: 170 pushups, 210 curlups.
My total exercises: 70 pushups, 150 curlups.

Needless to say, I got off easier, but the last game finished at 1:30 and we were both so spent by the end that we were giggling like schoolgirls. Just like old times. After finishing, we both almost wept as we considered how sore we would be in the morning, but then I remembered I had the magic potion: Powerbar Recovery. It didn’t even hurt in the morning, due to modern innovation…basically Eli Whitney, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell (the innovators), Henry Ford (the organizer), and the Industrial Revolution at large is responsible for us not suffering. Essentially, human beings are completely self-sufficient now. Are you stabbed? Shot? A city of civilians nuked? Drink some Powerbar Recovery, and you’re golden. Basically.

I even have picture documentation of the event.

Improv Everywhere…

This stuff is just classic.  

The basic premise of Improv Everywhere is to take normal situations and transform them into a work of art that breaks up the routine.  

A little while ago, a large group of folks went into Grand Central Station and all froze for a period of time, then unfroze and went along with what they were doing.  Another group got together a bunch of guys who took their shirts off and entered an Abercrombie and Fitch store and walked around for awhile, which I find hilarious.

In this Improv, a musical breaks out in a mall, starting with a fast food worker. Take a gander; 

Conan v Stewart v Colbert

This stuff is freakin’ sweet! I love when show hosts get off their high horses and show their human side (which all three of these guys have already done so far in their shows).

Who’s to say that creative stuff can’t come out of tough circumstances (the writer’s strike)? A Conan, Jon Stewart, Colbert throwdown, that’s what.

Reminds me of a low-budget version of the TV News rumble in Anchorman.

Ohh Galen Myers…


Take care to ignore the idiot in the front left of the picture, if you would, and focus on the older fellow in the back left of the picture. That’s my Grandddad, and he. is. classic! A colorful character, he is. Direct quote from last night.

(Nate is talking as Nate, Doug, and Galen walk outside towards car so Nate and Doug can eventually leave)

(Galen cuts him off after holding out his hand) “It’s raining outside! See you later! Bye.”

(Nate starts laughing at the abrupt goodbye, and Nate and Doug walk toward car, get about 40 feet away)

Galen: “Save your money! And you’d better, because you’re not getting any of mine!”

(Nate laughs until tears well up in his eyes)